Infection Q&A

Q. How long will it take before the right-wing media’s conspiracy mongerers decide that it’s a plot by the Democrats or the “deep state” or “antifa” that gave DT the virus?
A. They probably already have. It will also be suggested that he contracted it by wearing a mask once or twice.

Q. What is the prognosis?
A. Who knows? Karma is an unreliable force in the universe. Jair Bolsonaro and Boris Johnson, two other sorry excuses for national leaders, both appear to have recovered, although they may be experiencing lingering symptoms to which the public is not privy. Meanwhile, many perfectly lovely people have succumbed.

Q. How will this affect the remainder of the campaign season?
A. One hopes it will put a stop to any more MAGAt rallies, but there’s no telling. Masks or no masks, Joe Biden would do well not to show up for the next debate.

Q. What can you tell me about schadenfreude?
A. Nothing you don’t already know.

Q. Other than Melania, is anyone else affected?
A. Unknown at this time, but considering that he goes around maskless and the incubation period is up to two weeks, it seems improbable that the White House is going to be the embodiment of health between now and Election Day.

Q. What happen to an election if someone goes to that great tax shelter in the sky?
A. At this late date, it’s unclear exactly what would happen.

Q. If that were to happen, would it be ethical to jump for joy?
A. No. However, enormous sighs of relief would be entirely proper and patriotic.

Q. What would he be reincarnated as: a dung beetle or a slime mold?
A. Neither. He would be reincarnated as a coronavirus. In China. And slime molds are actually pretty cool.

Q. Is Mike Pence really as creepy as they say?
A. No, he is far creepier.

Q. Creepier than DT?
A. Not possible. However, creepy takes different forms. For instance, there’s creepy ’cause you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself, and then there’s creepy for the Lord.


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